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Looks like my mom died tonite - One person's lack of compassion does not equal another's comfort.
One person's lack of comprehension does not equal another's consent.
Looks like my mom died tonite
Some of you may be expecting me to do things this week and you know, I just might anyway. But I felt that as it is the nature for family deaths to corrupt one's ability to accomplish anything for a while I thought I ought to let everyone know that I am likely to be a bit more forgetful for a little while.

Gee I hope I don't start getting all morose around Valentines day annually because of this.

Current Mood: irritated irritated

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sharrainchains From: sharrainchains Date: February 18th, 2004 06:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am so very sorry.
vvalkyri From: vvalkyri Date: February 19th, 2004 05:34 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* Not entirely sure how to offer condolences, given our conversation earlier, but *hugs* regardless...
fixx From: fixx Date: February 19th, 2004 11:06 am (UTC) (Link)


Hugs are always appreciated... and rarely in adequate supply.

As for the condolences... I guess you are right; a barbecue to celebrate my mom's passing and cremation might seem in poor taste. Good thing I didn't tell you about the bellydancers then.

What just burns me up is that practically nobody (besides me) saw my mom's rapidly growing dementia as a sort of death. My Dad died nearly two years ago and from that point on I have been feeling very much the orphan, even though my mother was technically still alive.

In the past few months I've grown so sick of the mental state my mother was in, I'd even stopped referring to her as alive. Like someone asked me, "Are either of your parents still alive?" and I replied, "No, not really, well kinda but not in any practical way. Another time I was asked if they were both deceased and I answered "Mostly"

This is not to say that I ever made any comments that she should hurry up and die... at least not recently... I respected that some others appeared to appreciate her even in her totally-out-of-her-mind condition. (I have some home movies if you want to know just how out of her mind she was)

Anyway thanks for the sympathy.
vvalkyri From: vvalkyri Date: February 19th, 2004 06:46 pm (UTC) (Link)


Scary prospect. I hope to not have to know how you feel...
fixx From: fixx Date: February 19th, 2004 08:44 pm (UTC) (Link)


I am not sure if you are referring to the thought of watching the "home movies" or of wishing your mother to "hurry up and die".

Your opinion might be different if you routinely returned home to find your answering machine had stopped taking messages because your mom called you so many times claiming she was stranded at a hotel somewhere in Canada or England. (she wasn't sure which)

Now for a really scary idea. After my dad died there were a lot of things I could not do, like maintain a simple phone line. Yes, since I have moved into this house the phone line has been in my father's name and I have had to pay the bills or have the line disconnected at some time in the future due to non payment. The phone company refuses to believe he is dead so they won't allow me to do things like put it in my name or add unlimited long distance. So finally a couple months ago, I called them claiming to be my deceased father. That they believed and allowed me to add unlimited long distance. Maybe next time I will claim that I am moving away, to a far far better place and to put the line in my son's name.

Now that my mother is dead I may just have to call companies pretending to be her. You've heard my voice... this should be interesting. :-)
ladyorena From: ladyorena Date: February 20th, 2004 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm really sorry to hear about your mother, Dave. It was Valentine's Day when my mom died. But even though I think about it at this time each year, it's not really a bad thing. Of course your mileage may vary since I was so close to my mom. At least she is at peace now, and hopefully so are you. Take care.

vampirevioletta From: vampirevioletta Date: February 29th, 2004 07:53 am (UTC) (Link)
You have my deepest sympathies. I know how you feel, exactly, because that's what my grandmother suffered from. She slowly slipped away for about 4-5 years after a broken hip accident. She lived with me the last 2 months of her life and from the dementia all she would do was scream and wet the bed. She would even take her shirt off and sit on the bed and just yell the whole day. I would have liked it if she even knew how to use a telephone, like your mother did. It's hard to cope with someone really close to you who has dementia; it's like 'she used to be so sane, so caring...' It's hard to accept. Again, my condolences and I hope everything goes smoothly from now on.
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