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This article deserves a proper performance - One person's lack of compassion does not equal another's comfort.
One person's lack of comprehension does not equal another's consent.
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This article deserves a proper performance
But lacking that I recommend that at your first opportunity (that does not get you fired) you read (at least) the first three paragraphs of this article in your best "Ox-Bridge" accent. (think Johnathan Cleese / Monty Pythons. You get the idea. Behind the cut I am copying the first three paragraphs for posterity and maybe one more for good measure.

For those of you interested in seeing the complete article, please see:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL

(Now I know why at least some people would choose to move to San Francisco if articles like this one are printed there.)

The following is the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian Jihad. It was sent to me at The Chronicle via an anonymous spam remailer. I have no idea whether other news organizations have received this communique, and, if so, why they have not chosen to print it. Perhaps they fear starting a panic. I feel strongly that the truth, no matter how alarming, trivial or disgusting, must always be told. I am pleased to report that the words below are at least not disgusting:

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

(and now for good measure)

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic! Citizens declare themselves "relatively unafraid" of threats of undeclared rationality. People can still go to France, terrorist leader says.
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Comments
bittercat From: bittercat Date: April 22nd, 2005 04:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
I read this. It's hysterical! :P (Or, is that where you got it? ;) )
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